The Lush Chronicles: Why We Drink, Part One- Pain and Potables

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Liquid culture fascinates me. You can tell a lot about a person by how they drink, and I really mean that. Not just what they drink, but when, where, why and by which means. For example, you'll never meet someone who both only likes super-sweet drinks and is also a respectable adult.

All kidding aside, human beings have a real connection to ethanol. It has long been a source of everything from religious inspiration to rights of passage. Though roughly a billion or so members of our species forbid the stuff, the other five usually find a way to have a very complicated relationship with alcohol. Unlike most other recreational drugs, we drink for a wider variety of reasons than the high, or addiction, or pain relief. Drinking, like the great human experiences of love and wanderlust, is strange and irrational. Mine is a complex question with as many answers as there are barstools in the world. Why do we drink?



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The Lush Chronicles: Cold Weather Drinking

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Ask any of my friends or close relatives and they'll tell you that I'm one vodka-soaked olive short of a total lush. Or alternately, ask any of the sworn enemies I've collected from a solid year of making fun of people on the Internet and they'll tell you I'm an inveterate drunk. Though there's likely more than a kernel of truth to these accusations, I'm a writer, it's part and parcel to the profession and has been since Homer. All the same, us varsity-level drinkers get to be smug around the holiday season as the more responsible folks start indulging for the usual reasons people drink during yuletide festivities. I've never been one to join in on the absurd sloshing about of Christmas and New Years, but there are a few drinks I enjoy exclusively in the month of December. These are my cold weather drinks.



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Liquor Loves Lost

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There's a psychosomatic effect by which the body rejects substances or experiences that at one time resulted in an extremely negative experience. In layman's terms, it's the mechanism by which we learn to never again drink the substance that resulted in our very first hangover. I've heard several generations of drinkers tell similar stories about the ill effects of Southern Comfort, a liqueur sweet enough to entice novice drinkers into familiar territory, but also brutal enough to push many of them away from the hard stuff for a long time. While I personally never much enjoyed SoCo, I had a much crueler first hangover experience that, several years later, I am still coming to reconcile.



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Essential At-Home Bartending Equipment

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There's no reason the casual drinker should have to compromise quality for convenience when having his or her favorite cocktails at home. All it takes is the right equipment, some simple techniques and proper ingredients to get results on one's own that are as good, or better, than those drinks offered at top-notch lounges. Here are some of the essential items for the domestic bartender in all of us.

Mixology is an art of exactness. Professional bartenders use a series of instruments designed especially for the creation of consistently good cocktails. The truth is that you'll only really need a few items to make the vast majority of drinks offered at any bar.

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Bartending Stories

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I had a few jobs in college. Some were good, some were awful and some were strange. While I was making my bones as a part-time, entry-level copywriter, I also pulled a night shift tending bar in a variety of mostly unpleasant places. I got my mixology certification just shortly after turning 21 and I quickly discovered that even holding a state license doesn't trump experience. Bars have a fairly high turnover rate, but most popular or high-end places won't hire someone for anything better than a barback shift if they don't have a year or two of experience slinging suds and rocks glasses somewhere else. For all the newbies, that first job is almost guaranteed to be somewhere shady.

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Cinco de Mayo Drinks

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Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican holiday celebrating the victory of Mexico over the globally feared French army at the Battle of Puebla. Who knows why, but we in the United States also like to celebrate this holiday, and we do so in pretty much the same way that we celebrate half of all the other holidays over the course of the year. Namely, we drink a lot and have parties. For your Cinco de Mayo, consider the following drinks. They may be a touch stereotypical, but if you're going to celebrate a holiday even if it has nothing to do with your own heritage, why not enjoy things on the surface level?

The Classic Margarita

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The Martini: A Cocktail for the Ages

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In an old New Yorker article Roger Angell wrote a long and exhaustive bit of sophistry about the Martini and its place in American culture. In between name-dropping his stepfather, writer E.B. White, Angell went about tracing the cocktail's iconic stature from its early dominance in the 1950's, to its evolution into the preferred after-work drink of the newly minted suburbanite, to its re-emergence as the drink of the social elite in the 1980's. Angell's article is thought provoking, if not a little ham-fisted in its evocation of cultural stereotypes. The problem is that he never takes the time to ask exactly why this cocktail above all others has such a reputation.

The Martini is one of the oldest cocktails in the world. As such, its exact origin is clouded in as much apocrypha as fact. Like so many drinks it has a variety of tall tales associated with its creation, all involving one remarkable individual, a traveler, or an unassuming saloon.

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Cream Drinks

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Sometimes we get so used to ordering our favorite drinks that we forget they're actually treats. An easy way to remind ourselves of what a nice departure from normal the cocktail can be is to embrace the richness of a good cream drink. By combining the smooth texture and versatility of cream with the potent flavors of spirits and mixers, these cocktails are the grown-up equivalent of a rally around the ice cream truck.

White Russian

Without a doubt the most commonly ordered cream drink at any bar (and likely the most common home-made) is the White Russian. We'll take this opportunity to talk about the proper way to build any cream drink. As is the rule for all cocktails, the heaviest elements go on top. In this case, that means starting with an ounce of vodka.

There's some debate about whether or not cream drinks should be shaken instead of built in the glass. Personally, I don't see why anyone who cares about flavor would build in the glass. No amount of stirring is going to combine the flavors of your drink like a few stout shakes.

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Daiquiri: The Real Thing

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 Let's talk about the Daiquiri, one of many special drinks that has gone to the dogs thanks to pre-packaged mixes, unnecessary machines and unprepared bars. Sure, a lot of us think we're familiar with this island-born beauty, but the truth is ugly. Say the word "Daiquiri" and you'll probably conjure an image of some half-frozen sludge that looks like a melted Popsicle and tastes like potpourri. After today, let's hope that changes. The Daiquiri has its origins on the island of Cuba, where it shares the name of a beach and an iron mine. Legend has it that some American sailors put the first batch of it together, but like most cocktail legends this is probably apocryphal. Regardless of who named the thing, liquor augmented with lime juice is as old as the introduction of limes to Western people. English seamen were known to flavor their gin with the vitamin-C richness of lime juice to help stave off scurvy. This became so popular that a British Minister of Medicine named Dr. Gimlet officially endorsed the drink. When Europeans came to the Caribbean Sea, they were introduced to rum and rum was likewise introduced to lime. Why all this talk of lime juice?

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Rally Amid Ricin Threat in Seattle

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During the first week of 2009, a series of letters from an anonymous individual sent to eleven Seattle area gay bars, as well as the local alternative periodical The Stranger, threatened to poison as many as 5 people in every bar. The writer of the letter claimed to be in possession of 67 grams of ricin, a deadly toxin concentrated from a compound found in castor beans. The letter indicated that the poisonings would happen some time over the month of January.

So far, all of the targeted bars have remained open. In fact, many of them are reporting a rally of business since the threats went public. Rather than giving into the fear intended to spread from the threats, Seattle's prominent gay community has shown a healthy sort of defiance. There's already been one organized pub crawl to the threatened establishments, with more on the way.

Seattle has been the site of many stunning displays of gay rights activism in the past year.

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