Individual tastes being what they are, there's at least one person in the world who is happy to drink even the most ridiculously specialized item at the liquor store. Every super-sweet liqueur, weird flavored vodka and mysterious packaged mixer has a fan, but dedicated drinkers are still allowed to be snobs about the stuff they wouldn't let within a hundred feet of their own bars. So, if any of the following things are divine nectar according to your unique palate, I sincerely apologize.

The only thing Kahlua or any other coffee liqueur is good for is making White Russians or as an ice cream topping. Seriously, Kahlua and Kahlua-like coffee liqueurs are so thick, so intensely sweet and so surprisingly unlike the flavor they're supposed to be mimicking that it ought to be thought of in the same context as candy or potato chips. If it's coffee flavor you want, there are better ways to get it. Espresso vodka, for instance. It's also dark and sweet, but it isn't a viscous syrup and it actually tastes like coffee. You could also just make a proper coffee-based cocktail, of which there are several. I will, however, nod to the White Russian. As a dessert drink, there's nothing quite like it.

The only thing American pilsner is good for is gazing at with disdain while drinking any of the thousands of superior beers produced all over the world. In the past decade, American microbrews have made leaps in quality that allow them to stand toe-to-toe with regional European beers. In fact, if you live in the States you have a better chance of finding good American microbrew than a decent import without having to visit a specialty store. For two or three dollars more than you pay for Bud or PBR, you can get your hands on six amazing bottles of something tasty from your region. There are some killer suds coming out of the Pacific Northwest, and the French-Canadian influence in Michigan microbrews is apparent.

The only thing premium vodka is good for is getting drunk when you've got a jones for a glass of water. For the past several years, there seems to have been a rush in the market to sell boring vodka in ornate bottles. Sure, the taste of these neutrals is often little more than a burning sensation and whatever the glass touched before the pour, but is that really what vodka drinkers want? In the happy middle between well brands good for mixing and premium brands are a few vodkas that have some character imparted to them from minerals and a careful filtering process. I don't want my sipping vodka to be filtered within an inch of its life, I want it to have some grit. Russian table vodka is a unique joy in this world that has been tarnished by the misconception that the only vodka-drinking experience has to be a flavorless one.

The only thing tropical cocktail mixes are good for is making Ernest Hemingway turn in his grave. If you must make a Margarita, make one with sours and lime juice. That's all the mix really is and it's all it ought to be. And the Daiquiri? Simple syrup and lime juice. Maybe some gum arabic if you're feeling fancy. Leave the neon mixers on the shelf.