As a lush I try to advise my friends against doing things with alcohol that will make them miserable the next day. I attempt to dissuade them from mixing drinks that will compete with one another, pounding cocktails with high sugar content and going through a night of partying on an empty stomach. But that's the rub with drunk people: They don't listen. We all have nights when we do ill-advised things, no matter how practiced we are at the art of drinking. That's why it's important to have a plan for those likely, though not inevitable, hangovers. Here's my loose collection of best practices for recovering from a night of liver abuse.
1. Hair of the Dog is a Terrible Idea
Treating low-level alcohol poisoning and dehydration (which is what a hangover really is) with more alcohol is a recipe for two things which do not always occur together but are not mutually exclusive: Alcoholism and vomiting. The latter is more likely, especially if you down fool concoctions like Beer and Tomato Juice or anything with a freaking raw egg in it. Even the classic Bloody Mary won't make you feel any better, it'll just further dehydrate you and put long-term stress on your organs. Don't be an idiot. Steer clear of booze when you're hung-over.
2. Trust Your Cravings
Some folks will tell you that you'll want to eat greasy food with a hangover. Others will recommend mild, bland things like oatmeal. Everybody's got a different idea of proper hangover food because everybody craves something different when they've got one. Listen to your body on that brutal day after. If it wants a cheap burger from the stand down the street, that's what's for lunch. If it wants a bowl of grapes, then Concords it is. You'll be functioning at a lower level than usual, so it's better to go for instincts over intellect.
3. Electrolytes=Friends
Water is all fine and dandy. In fact, if you were smart you would have had a few tall glasses of the stuff before you went to sleep after drinking. But water is only one part of hydration. You're going to need electrolytes, those chemicals that facilitate the transfer of fluids in and out of your body's cells, to make that water count. Just chugging a gallon of H2O isn't going to fix your hangover. You're going to want to go after three of the easier-to-find electrolytes: Sodium, Calcium and Potassium. This is why breakfast is important. Sodium, most commonly found in table salt, goes with everything and can be found in sports drinks, though you'll want to be careful with the Gatorade because of the sugars. Calcium is most easily consumed through milk and is usually added to milk substitutes like soy or nut milk. For Potassium, a banana should do the trick.
4. Bed Rest
There's no magic in treating a hangover. You abused your body, so now you need to let it recover. Sleep in, take a midday nap and avoid strenuous activity if at all possible.
5. A Shower and Fresh Clothes
This one is mostly for psychological benefit, but there's something about shedding the grime of the night before that makes the road to recovery a lot smoother. If nothing else, being clean will reduce your level of stress and discomfort, which should allow your body to address more pressing issues like over-worked kidneys and imbalanced stomach lining.