The Lush Chronicles: The Philosophy of the Flask

It's the holiday season. We're in the thick of it now. Big meals, annoying music, people pretending that Black Friday means anything in the Internet age. Oh, and family events. Some folks who have all the luck actually like their families. Even rarer are those freaks of nature who have a strong bond with the collection of obligated strangers they call extended family. For the rest of the world, the holiday season is a time when we're forced by guilt and convention to interact with people we'd rather not even know, and just because we share a little more DNA with them than with most people. There are only two kinds of people who go through this ordeal sober: Insane, masochistic adults and put-upon children. All the savvy folks stay properly lubricated through whatever shitty shindig they're forced to attend. That's why people hide hard liquor in ridiculous drinks like eggnog. It's not self-medication and drinking during the few hours of sunlight we get in the harsh winter months, it's festive. For those who would rather not choke down something that tastes and sounds as disgusting as "nog" and are sensitive to the disapproving stares of the family as Uncle Jake pours his fifth whiskey rocks in two hours, there's just one option left. It's time to start packing a flask.

Before I get into how to do flask-drinking properly, I have to tack on the disclaimer that carrying a flask does not make you cool. Just like carrying around a pack's worth of cigarettes in a shiny case doesn't change the fact that you're pathetically addicted to nicotine while any civilized enthusiast of tobacco has learned how to enjoy the stuff as an occasional indulgence without forming a habit, carrying a flask full of liquor is functionally no different than having a bottle with you at all times. Think of a flask not as a Swiss Army knife but as a parachute. Only carry one into a situation where you might need it and only deploy it when you absolutely must.

The point of flasks is discretion. They exist so you can drink when it would be socially unacceptable to do so. That in mind, don't whip out your 12 oz monster full of Jack in the presence of those who have sideways glances at the ready. Sneak a stout swig in the bathroom, a low-traffic corner or secreted into a less scandalous beverage when you're sure nobody is watching.

Also, don't make the rookie mistake of getting proper drunk on your flask provisions. People will notice and you'll have nowhere to go but sober in the aftermath. The physical limitations of flasks (except those absurd magnums that couldn't even fit in a zoot suit pocket) encourage the maintenance of a gentle buzz, not outright sloppiness. Remember, you're taking the edge off of an uncomfortable situation. Show some restraint and come up with excuses not to drive.

If you must carry a flask, get a proper one. Stainless steel, glass lined, eight to twelve ounces, attached cap. This variety is durable, easy to clean (never in the dishwasher), won't impart any unpleasant metal flavor to your booze, small enough to fit in a pocket but large enough to carry more than enough liquid to do the job, and free from any small parts that might be misplaced.

As for what kind of liquor to carry in your flask, spring for something of reasonable quality. Remember, you'll be drinking the stuff straight. Monarch may be cheap enough to last all weekend without denting your bank account, but you'd be better off sipping cough syrup. Spiced rum is a good choice, as is call brand bourbon. If white liquor is your preference, steer clear of gin. That stuff doesn't hold up well at room temperature and above. Instead, go for a vodka with strong mineral notes so you won't drink it too fast. Don't be a dummy and fill the flask with sweet liqueur. That'll just make you stink like rancid candy and get sick before the night's over. Same goes for flavored vodka.

Though I usually end by saying something like this, I can't actually recommend carrying a flask at difficult social gatherings. There are healthier, more rational ways to handle being put in an uncomfortable situation. As always, if you feel like taking the lush's way out, make sure to do it right so you don't turn into a drunk.

The Lush Chronicles: Why We Drink- Because We Can

November, 2010: Prohibition continues in America. Well, marijuana prohibition. And alcohol after certain hours. And tobacco in certain places. And generic versions of long-monopolized medications. And flavored cigarettes for a series of thoroughly asinine reasons. And horse meat because our country is still in love with the romanticized version of the genocidal gunslingers of the Old West. And a long list of other things that are banned for no good reason whatsoever.

The United States has such an odd relationship with vice, or even innocent indulgence, because our culture has struggled with the puritanism of self-denial ever since white people set foot on the soil that would become a maddeningly pervasive empire. Everything about the American approach to indulgence is restrained in some way. Say what you will about our society's propensity for sugar, fat and oversized food, a lot of that stuff isn't so much indulgent as negligent. European pastries have as much sugar and butter per ounce as a Twinkie but they use those ingredients to incredible effect. Would you ever really describe a Twinkie as "buttery"? No, of course not. It's greasy rather than buttery, sickly sweet rather than rich. In essence, it's an indulgent pastry done wrong. The pleasure of excess is ignored while the physical necessities of fat and sugar in the baking process remain. And why? Because Americans want a nondescript cake that costs 99 cents rather than a $6.00 eclair. The latter is just too damn indulgent.

Look elsewhere in our star-spangled palate and you'll see similar things. We drink millions of gallons of coffee that has all the caffeine of an Italian roast but it's vile, acidy stuff dripped through the plastic of an automatic percolator. We drink bland, lukewarm tea instead of the piping hot stuff enjoyed by everyone west of Asia Minor. We smoke stale, non-committal tobacco instead of sweet, full-flavored leaves and we eat tough, grainy meat because we'd rather pay factory discounts than local farm prices.

In the same vein, Americans want to drink alcohol but we won't let ourselves enjoy it with too much leisure. It's all about rushing to the liquor store before it closes, making sure children never so much as sit at the same table as alcohol and making sure to be contrite about the very existence of the stuff. What distiller today feels comfortable advertising their product without chaining it to the phrase "drink responsibly"? As if to say, "don't you know that stuff will turn you into a car-crashing, sex-crazed animal?" It's all echoes of the 18th Amendment, of a culture that has never been willing to call alcohol or any other indulgence better than something you hide in shame, like a little boy with a nudie magazine.

Those of us who drink (and I mean really drink, preferring good stuff and strong stuff) do so in America knowing full well that it's not a natural, human right in our country, but a privilege hard-won against those who would shame us for doing so. We drink because we can, at least for today. In America it's an act of defiance just to completely enjoy anything.

Hot Apple Cider Recipes

As I sit sipping some store-bought apple cider—and yes, it’s real and yes, it’s still yummy—I can’t help but pine for the most delicious cup of apple cider I’ve ever had, way back during Christmastime in 2005. My daughter had just been born 3,000 miles from home over a month earlier, so my husband and I were spending Christmas away from home with friends in town. It was actually one of the most special Christmases—and one of the most blessed, since our daughter pulled through her prematurity and came home with us in late January.

At our friends’ house, a catered meal was prepared—something we definitely were not used to!—and the most exquisite, orange-flavored apple cider was served along with the hors d'œuvre. I think it had a stick of cinnamon in it, too—but the floating slice of orange and tangy, zesty flavor of it really made the drink the most heavenly hot beverage I’d ever experienced. (And we experienced a few; our stay in California yielded some of the most exotic and delicious things we’d ever had.)

The thing is, I’ve never been able to replicate the drink—and my friend doesn’t have the recipe, either, as it was catered. I would love for anyone who has a delicious, orangey apple cider recipe to share theirs so I could try to replicate such a tasty fall treat.

In the meantime, I will keep looking—and I as I search, I’ve discovered many different delicious-sounding recipes to be used.

Hot Apple Strudel sounds like an absolutely mouth-watering drink. It combines cider with vodka, cinnamon, sugar, caramel apple sauce, and a fresh apple for a taste that sure to be sweet. I’ll have to make this one during our next bonfire!

Wassail Punch is something I’ve always wanted to try—well, Wassail, anyway—and this recipe looks so scrumptious. It also includes orange juice and ginger, so I might be able to get the citrus zing I’m craving from this recipe.

Oh, this Sparkling Cider recipe is something I may have to make even sooner. It just sounds fabulous—with both orange and tangerine juice as well as grenadine and sparkling cider. Mmm…

Muddled Cider, with cranberry juice, cloves, nutmeg, and maple syrup, sounds like something that will warm your bones, too. I’m a huge cranberry juice fan—if it’s not too tart—and I’ll definitely have to try this recipe.

Cold River Vodka, Fryeburg, Maine

I spotted a lovely etched glass bottle of vodka made in Maine while shopping for a friend recently. Cold River Vodka is made in Maine vodka that's made with Maine potatoes grown specifically for the Cold River Distillery. The distillery was born in 2005 when a member of long-term farming family began looking for another way to use the family's potatoes from their Fryeburg, Maine farms. Cold River Vodka uses potatoes grown at their Green Thumb Farms in Fryeburg, Maine, and water sourced from the nearby Cold River. The vodka is gluten-free as well. I tried the Classic Cold River vodka, but they also produce a blueberry infused vodka, and a traditional gin. The typical retail price is around $30.00 to $35.00 for a 750 ml bottle.

Cold River Classic vodka is a 40% ABV/80 proof vodka. Like most potato vodkas, it's slightly sweet, especially in the initial impression, but there's a hint of bitter chocolate in the finish. I'd probably drink straight most of the time, because its own flavor is quite extraordinary, but it also makes a fabulous dry Martini, and works well in a Gibson. I note that in 2007 Spirits Journal. A year later Cold River Classic vodka was named as one of the "Top 50 Spirits," and one the only "Highest Recommendation" ratings that year ("Highest Recommendation" means the spirit earned a 96-100 rating). Other imbibers have given Cold River a strong recommendation as well. You can follow them on Twitter, and on Facebook.

Ladies / Womens Irish Rhinestone Ireland Heart Tee - $3.99 Shipped

Hello Ladies - have some Irish in you? Want some on you? Oh that sounds so wrong... but I mean in the form of a t-shirt! You can get this nifty little IRELAND shirt (that has been painstakingly bedazzled), with free shipping from DeepDiscount.com - this item comes in Small, Medium, Large, and Xtra Large for only $3.99! I can't even think of a time when I could get a shirt shipped to my door for this crazy low price.

If you are debating whether or not you should get it - keep this in mind - St. Patrick's Day is only 6 months away and this shirt would look adorable with with some of that Irish juice, we are all so fond of, spilled all over it - heck, it even looks great on its own!

Just imagine for a minute how great the little orange, white, and green rhinestones will look across your chest - telling the world that you are Irish and proud (or want to be). If that is not your idea of a good time then ponder this: I can't think of a better way to spend 4 bucks - can you?

A little St. Patrick's Day history to put you in the mood (although I can't imagine a shirt under $4 not being enough): Irish Society of Boston organized what was not only the first Saint Patrick's Day Parade in the colonies but the first recorded Saint Patrick's Day Parade in the world on 18 March 1737.(The first parade in Ireland did not occur until 1931 in Dublin.) This parade in Boston involved Irish immigrant workers marching to make a political statement about how they were not happy with their low social status and their inability to obtain jobs in America.

New York's first Saint Patrick's Day Parade was held on 17 March 1762 by Irish soldiers in the British Army. The first celebration of Saint Patrick's Day in New York City was held at the Crown and Thistle Tavern in 1766, the parades were held as political and social statements because the Irish immigrants were being treated unfairly. In 1780, General George Washington, who commanded soldiers of Irish descent in the Continental Army, allowed his troops a holiday on 17 March “as an act of solidarity with the Irish in their fight for independence."This event became known as The St. Patrick's Day Encampment of 1780. Postcard postmarked 1912 in the United States  Irish patriotism in New York City continued to soar and the parade in New York City continued to grow. Irish aid societies were created like Friendly Sons of St. Patrick and the Hibernian Society and they marched in the parades too. Finally when many of these aid societies joined forces in 1848 the parade became not only the largest parade in the United States but one of the largest in the world.

A New Study Claims That Heavy Drinkers Will Out-Live Non-Drinkers

I don’t know if this is a bogus study or not because it sounds almost too good to be true-  heavy drinkers outlive those who don’t drink anything at all. Research has already demonstrated that those who drink moderate amounts of alcohol are healthier and live longer than those who refuse to drink, but is it really true that the those who consume copious amounts of alcohol (to borrow my favorite phrase from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) and list Beer Pong as one of their daily activities live longer than the teetotalers?

Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin recently performed a study which followed almost 2,000 50- and 60-year-olds over a twenty-year period and found that a much higher percentage of non-drinkers died earlier than their heavy-drinking counterparts. As this article suggests, the results are pretty remarkable and seem a more than a little unlikely.

However, I don’t think the results from the study mean that drinkers should continue to drink at college-rates over the course of their lives-  the negative health issues associated with continual pounding of alcohol over time definitely have to be carefully considered and factored into the equation of how much to drink.

Some say that the positives that drinking offers including socialization and the ability to make new friends, pick up chicks and dudes, and delight people at parties may help you extend your social circle, which also helps ward off depression. Time Magazine speculates that the social benefits that drinking offers are at least partially responsible for the extended longevity of heavy drinkers.

I’m also not exactly sure how the study defines a heavy drinker- that could really be a wide range. To some, a heavy drinker is someone who drinks a beer or two every evening, but to others a heavy drinker is defined by someone who can drink a case of beer in one setting and still come back for more. It’s much easier to define someone as a non-drinker than to specify whether or not they are a heavy drinker.

As Time also observes, a flaw in the study is that the study included a disproportionate amount of males, so it’s difficult to say whether the results are indicative of how long female-drinkers live compared to their beer-swilling husbands- I guess we’ll have to wait for the next study to find that out.

Gin, Juniper and Dutch Courage

The word gin, in reference to the clear spiritous liquor famed in the form of Gin and Tonic,

and the classic martini, is derived ultimately from the French word genièvre, or the Dutch version of the French word, jenever. Both genièvre and jenever refer to the plant known in English as juniper. Juniper is fairly common throughout the world; in New England Juniperus communis is found in fields or abandoned pastures in the form of low-lying spreading evergreens that look vaguely like herbacious coral reefs with small blue-gray fragrant berries, and tiny seed cones. While the berries were traditionally used in the Middle Ages and Renaissance to flavor meats, sauces and stews, it is the seed cones which are still used in the second distillation to flavor gin.

Gin became popular at first for its purported curative powers, popularized by a Dutch physician. By the mid 1600s there were hundreds of gin distillers in the Netherlands, and gin was was introduced to the English by way of the many English serving in the Eighty Years war against the Spanish (hence the name Hollands for gin, and the phrase "Dutch courage," for the courage of the intoxicated to engage in foolish behavior that, were they sober, they probably wouldn't engage in).

The gin joint, or speakeasy, flourished in American cities during Prohibition (January 1920 through December 1933). In dimly lit slightly less than legal secretive bars, bar tenders provided patrons with rye and gin (both reasonably simple to distill from grain) whose rougher edges could be disguised by simple mixes with ginger ale and the like, and served in a nice anonymous mug rather than a cocktail glass. Oddly, the speakeasy and the gin joint seem to be enjoying an increased, albeit legal, popularity. I suspect a fair amount of gin's popularity is encapsulated in Rick's (or Humphrey Bogart's) line in Casablanca: "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." Rick's Cafe has been reborn in Morocco. Gin is enjoying a new popularity, flourishing amidst a sea of flavored vodkas, as classic cocktails are being re-discovered at new gin joints, as well as at home as imbibers enjoy the Negroni and other gin cocktails.

Gin

I've been reading about classic cocktails rather a lot lately, partly inspired by Anthony Bourdain's statement that a Negroni was his favorite cocktail. I've also noticed that I have a fair number of friends and acquaintances who are present or former bartenders, many of whom are European. Gin seems to be much more popular "over there," than it is here. That's not to say that the classic Gin Martini, or the Gin and Tonic is going away; both seem more popular than ever and the U.S. is still the largest market in the world for gin. But I realized in parsing what Sloe Gin meant to a friend that I don't actually know much at all about how gin is distilled. The name of course is derived from either French genièvre, or the Dutch version of the French word, jenever.

The seed cones of the juniper are traditionally used to flavor gin, lending it a sharp, slightly astringent flavor and odor. The gin itself is a distilled spirit, typically made (in modern times) with wheat or rye, or both, then distilled a second time with a flavoring, like juniper or various other herb or fruit additives. Gin is traditionally asserted to be the invention of a Dutch physician Franciscus Sylvius, who saw the spirit as a tonic. By the mid 1600s there were hundreds of gin distillers in the Netherlands, and gin was enthusiastically brought home by the many English serving in the Eighty Years war. Later, in British tropical colonies plagued with malaria, employees of the British East India Company gin combined gin with quinine water, (tonic water to you) as preventive if not cure for malaria—today better known as a Gin and Tonic, served in a rocks glass with a wedge of lime or lemon.

There are various styles of gin, differentiated largely by the methods of distilling and the addition of essential oils or flavoring ingredients. London Dry Style Gin is the standard in England, though Sloe Gin, gin flavored with Blackthorn fruit, or Damson Gin, gin flavored with plums, are also popular. Hollands or Genever is still made in the Netherlands and Belgium, where the distillery is typically a pot still, rather then the column still favored for London Dry Style gin. Genever is typically made at lower proof levels than London Dry gins and are often aged for one to three years in oak casks, before being sold in sealed ceramic jugs.

Probably the best known "classic" gin cocktail is the Gin and Tonic; note that as with all mixed drinks the qualities of the gin and the tonic water make a noticeable difference. Beefeater, Tanqueray, Bombay Sapphire and Hendricks and all have their own distinctive notes. The Gin Martini is of course the second most likely classic gin cocktail to come to mind in terms of gin, followed by the Gibson (a Martini made with a pickled onion instead of an olive) Tom Collins, the Negroni, and with by like the Lime Rickey and the gin Gimlet perhaps less familiar, but still popular today.

The Lush Chronicles: A Field Guide to Drunks

The happy drunk. The weepy drunk. The funny drunk. The angry drunk. These are all stereotypical reductions of human behavior under the influence of alcohol and none of them are particularly accurate. The truth is that we all feel the same range of emotions whether we're drunk or not. Some of us may be predisposed to one kind of behavior or another when drinking but there's no reason why an angry drunk can't have moments of kindness or a happy drunk can't suddenly have a turn for the melancholy. It's not the emotions we feel when drinking that are important, it's the way we get to them. Everyone has a behavioral pattern throughout the stages of ethanol metabolization. Being able to identify how those around you predictably change over the course of a night of drinking is a better use of energy than just noting how they feel at any given moment.

Consider, if you will, the Sudden Spike Drunk. This is an individual who can have several drinks in a relatively short period of time without any noticeable change in behavior. He or she is calm, coherent and rational despite being intoxicated, though that can't last forever. At a certain point, the alcohol seems to hit him or her all at once, resulting in what looks like a person with a crazy/not crazy switch that gets flipped somewhere around the fourth or fifth drink. This means that the tone of the night will determine how the Sudden Spiker will manifest at that crucial moment. If he or she has been holding steady through awkwardness or some other negativity, then things have a good chance of turning ugly as soon as the alcohol kicks in. Being able to identify your friend as a Spiker can help you steer the night in a positive direction before the otherwise inevitable meltdown occurs.

The inverse of the Sudden Spiker is the Inexplicably Immediate Drunk. This is a person who seems to get soused after just one drink, or maybe just a couple sips. Barring an unusually low alcohol tolerance, this means that the drinker actively wants to act drunk. It's the placebo effect at work and it's incredibly dangerous. A person who wants to be drunk or wants to be perceived as drunk is a person who wants an excuse for uncharacteristic behavior. Maybe he or she has a confession to make or a bone to pick. Maybe he or she has some repressed feelings to work through or some fears to face. Regardless of the motivation, the Immediate is a drunk on a mission. Be prepared to be one of his or her targets, accomplices or caretakers, or else steer clear.

One of the most fascinating drunks is the Stacking Doll Drunk. The Stacker is someone who uses intoxication as a means to gradually strip away layers of personality, going through stages of self throughout the night until he or she reaches some kind of raw, confessional state. This may manifest as a progressive increase in honesty or downright bluntness, or maybe being more physically intimate as time goes on. This can involve removing clothes, hugging, high-fiving, back-patting or, in the later stages, uninvited kissing. When around a Stacker, be aware that this person is likely to embarrass him or her self, say things that likely should have been left unsaid and render themselves incredibly vulnerable. These people are fragile, so handle them with care.

Though there are many other types of drunks, the last subject for today is the Doesn't Seem Drunk. This is a person whose behavior, disposition and manner of speaking don't change regardless of the amount of alcohol he or she consumes. This is very dangerous both for the drunk and those around him or her. The Doesn't Seem is the type to drive under the influence, casually suggest bad ideas to more suggestible drunks and be oblivious to his or her own limits. Doesn't Seems are likely borderline alcoholics, if not full-blown addicts. If you're friends with a Doesn't Seem, you have a responsibility to keep tabs on his or her consumption because the drunk sure won't.

The Negroni

In researching chef and travel writer (and novelist) Anthony Bourdain, I came across an interview in Men's Journal in which Bourdain, asked how to make his favorite drink, responded with a recipe for a Negroni:
One-third good gin, one-third Campari, one-third sweet vermouth in a glass with some ice and a gossamer-thin slice of orange. Mario Batali taught me, simultaneously ruining my life and improving it, as he often does.

I've heard of the Negroni,of course; it's one of the classic gin cocktails. But I'm newly intrigued by Bourdain's enthusiastic endorsement. The Negroni, named after Count Camillo Negroni, was invented sometime prior to 1920, at the Caffè Casoni, in Florence Italy. (The cafe still stands today, though now named Caffè Giacosa). Count Negroni was fond of an afternoon Americano, a drink dating back to the late 1860s and made with equal parts Campari, sweet vermouth, and club soda. Negroni, however, liked to substitute Gin in stead of soda for his afternoon aperitif, and so that's how Caffè Casoni bartender Fosco "Gloomy" Scarselli would prepare Negroni's drink.

Intrigued, soon other customers began ordering an Americano made "Negroni's way." To distinguish the Negroni from the Americano, the bartender garnished the Negroni with an orange slice instead of a lemon slice. The drink gained in popularity, so that by 1947 Orson Welles, working as a correspondent for the Coshocton Tribune while working in Rome on the film Cagliostro wrote about a new cocktail he'd discovered called the Negroni. According to Welles, "The bitters are excellent for your liver, the gin is bad for you. They balance each other."

Bourdain's recipe is quite accurate, but if you want something more formal, you can find a Negroni recipe here.

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